If you did not know, I have a Facebook page. Don’t say “Doesn’t everyone?” because no, not everyone does. This was the Status Update that I posted on December 28, 2016:
“It is very anti-climactic when you leave your upstairs neighbor a “gift”, and she didn’t come home last night. (The “gift” is a Dollar Tree trash can, container for cig butts, and 2 pkgs of bubble gum. I included the following note: Hello Neighbor. I am gifting you with a trash can & cig butt receptacle. Based on the amount of cig pack wrappers on my patio when I swept today, I don’t think you have one. Enjoy.)”
A bit of history. I have lived in my apartment for a little over 2 years. For the first 2 years, I didn’t even realize I had anyone living above me. Recently, a single woman moved in. Within about 72 hours, I knew she existed. It was like having a group of drunk toddlers living above me. *See blog post “Neighbors” to get up to speed*
Today, January 1, 2017. As of 10 a.m. today, I had yet to meet my upstairs neighbor. She had been oddly quiet since I left the trash can for her. The note I left was so passive aggressive, that I assumed she might very well be plotting my demise.
10:30 a.m. I take Sophie out for her morning urinary duties. I notice that my neighbor is sitting cross legged on her patio floor, cigarette in one hand, head down looking at her phone, and some huge earphones on her head. I am NOT going back inside until I have a few polite words with her to break the ice! Sophie roams at the end of her leash while I look like an idiot just standing there casually staring at her.
Finally, she looks up. I wave. She waves. I act like I am speaking with a deaf person, and make pointing motions to my ears. She obviously understands sign language, and pulls her headphones off.
Me: Hi. I just wanted to meet you, and say that I hope you didn’t take the gift of the trash can as a bad thing.
Her: Laughing. I loved it! See, (reaching down beside her and holding it up in the air) I am using it! I love it! I have mean meaning to say Thank You!
Me: I am so glad! I put gum in there, because who doesn’t like gum, so you would know that it wasn’t meant to be mean.
Her: No, I love it! I love you! You are wonderful!
Me: Well, umm, I just gave you a trash can…
Her: Laughing. I know, but I love it! I needed it! Thank you! I love you!
Me: My name is AGS.
Her: I’m Deanna.
Me: I just wanted to touch base. Oh, and one other little thing, when you are giving directions to your booty call from your patio, I can hear every word.
Her: Oh no! Embarrassed laughter. I am single…
Me: I’m single to, no worries. You might also want to pull your bed from against the wall, because I hear all that as well.
Her: Shrieks. Oh no! I am so embarrassed!
Me: Don’t be. I am just letting you know. You might be a government agent who works undercover or something and don’t realize I hear everything.
Me: If you ever need anything, I am down stairs. I just wanted to meet you and say hello.
Her: Nice meeting you. I love you! Thank you again!
I would say that it went very well. I was curious as to how she could possibly love me since she just met me. I AM that lovable, but even this early declaration of love seemed strange.
At this point, you are probably thinking that we lived happily ever after, but you would be wrong. 10:45 p.m. Same day. That is another blog post.
Leaving you with palatable anticipation –