That Special Friend

ginger art

Many of us have that one special friend who can make anything sound perverted. I say “many” instead of “all” because there are a lot of people who walk a little bit closer to God than I do, and they don’t hang around people like that.

I will be honest and say that I do have a few special friends like that. If I ever were to become entirely friendless, I would be that person for myself.  I prefer to have someone special though because the “give & take” of perversion is more fun. I can sit and pervert inside my head all day long, but what is the fun in that. I need an “equal” to spar with, and to help me enhance my skills.

 I don’t know where it started, but I have had things flying out of my mouth unfiltered for years. Oft times, I don’t even mean for it to be controversial, but after I see the reaction of others, I know that once again, I have done it.

For example, this ditty I came up with today at work. The backstory is that I decided to break into my bag of sunflower seeds and needed a “spit cup”. *Spit Cup: A 12 oz. Styrofoam cup in which we ladies deposit our sunflower seed shells. We go full on lady-like and spit the shells into our cups.  As I was walking back to the break room to get said cup, I came up with this one the fly and started singing it to the tune of the “I’m a Little Teapot” nursery rhyme:

“I’m a little spit cup,

Short and stout,

Here is my mouth hole,

Don’t wear me out.”

Now, I wasn’t thinking about anything but rhyming and the cup when I sang the last 2 lines. Seriously. Immediately upon hearing it, by female co-worker began laughing, and a while later, a male co-worker came by and said, “What was that song you were singing about a cup?”.

 It’s a natural gift. You question that I call it a gift. Well, I am a great conversationalist, can be popular at parties should I choose to be, and I don’t need alcohol to loosen up my gift, so I can just arrive and hit the ground running. I don’t always paint with the colors of perversion, as I know how to read my crowd, but it’s like a bacchanalia in my brain. I think my humor is fantastical. Not for everyone, and the saying “To know me is to love me” doesn’t apply to me at all.

 Another gem from today:

 Female co-worker to male co-worker re an electric stapler in the office:  “You have to push it in and out for it to come out.”  My comment was, “Isn’t that generally what you have to do? I thought that is how things work naturally.”

 I know. I know.


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